Tuesday, August 3, 2010

OKAY SO IT'S BEEN A WHILE

I'M SORRY.
That's all I got. and I'm probably going to work on the blog a little aesthetically too this week
BUT, while I'm still busy with un-fun life stuff, I still like to think about this little craft blog and I present to you these, luminous giant radioactive space bugs that swarm the magnonaut outposts with vicious animosity. I found these while working on my daughter's garden. cute and deadly.
http://www.repotme.com/orchid-supplies/Flower-Clips.html

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A Brief History of Modern Space Travel, PART THREE

Part Three
THE UNEXPECTED SUCCESS OF A POOR STUDENT
...
Dr. Hans Pulaski was a poor student; He failed Spanish four times and never learned the rules of basketball, yet because of his inadherence to the rules of science and possibility, he promptly changed the world as we know it.

Hans Pulaski’s father, Dietrich, was a baker. Mr. Pulaski made the best donuts in East Berlin, and he taught his son everything he knew. “Took about three weeks, then he went right over my head” said Mr. Pulaski to reporters after the 2024 World’s Science Fair that made his son famous. “He dropped out of high school after his mother died of pneumonia, and left for America. Took about four months, then he sent me a letter: “Dad, I need three thousand American dollars, and eight dozen glazed,” it said, so I took out a second mortgage on the shop and sent him five thousand dollars and three dozen glazed.” Chuckled Pulaski; “Seems now like he must have spent the money well, but I still knew that he couldn’t eat eight dozen donuts before they turned to bricks.” Mr. Pulaski later invented the “mini-donut hole” (later discredited as being merely crumbs) in honor of his son’s greatest creation.

Hans Pulaski’s private life after he left his father in East Berlin is mostly shrouded in mystery (as are all successful entrepreneurs,) leaving only anecdotal tales like this one from Hans’ half-sister, Maragette Pulaski, art curator and president of the Tiny Lives corporation (taken with permission from the cover story of “Je Ne Se Qua”, August 2025:) “….so I invited my brother to Paris to see the World’s Science Fair, of which I was the head organizer. I had always considered Hans utterly incapable of taking care of himself, and didn’t expect him to show up on my doorstep two days before the event, but he did, and he showed up with about what I expected: A sack full of precisely one change of socks, three pairs of underwear, and a dozen notebooks scribbled with notes. He also had a large crate full of the early prototypes of what he, at that time, was calling “cortex-extenders,” and promptly told me that he must be allowed to demonstrate his experiments at the Fair.”

“Now, one can’t just whip up extra space in an event as coordinated as the W.S.F., but I fronted the entry fee and wrangled him in beside a hack inventor with a penchant for breakfast footwear, who as I remember made a mint off his product solely because of his proximity to Hans’ booth.”
“I convinced Hans to re-brand his little people because I knew that 2024 was the year of the acronym, and as Hans trusted my ability to create a marketable property, we came up with NEURO-ELECTROWAVE MAN, or N.E.W.MAN, the night before the fair.”

The 2024 World’s Science Fair is famous for two things: The world’s first brain-wave controlled clone-android (known as an N.E.W.MAN,) and Waffle Shoes, the shoes that make waffles while you walk.

Pulaski’s design was ingenious in that it ultimately exercised and developed the ability for the human brain to exist outside of itself. Up to that point, the theory that brain waves could operate machines had been widely accepted as possible but not practical as the dorsal lateral pre-frontal cortex (the part of the human brain responsible for decisions and volition) shuts down when you sleep, causing any brain-wave controlled machine to act unpredictably. The advantage of the Newman design was that by using a clone enhanced with artificial motor skills, and having it require so little electrical motivation due to its size, it was extremely susceptible to mental suggestion by its native host (incorrectly referred to as “organic telepathy” in the original gimmicky hand booklet accompanying the early N.E.W.MAN, leading to an outbreak of late 22nd century soothsayers who thought that the newman technology had opened up their dormant “third eye.”)
Because the Newman was essentially an extension of the body, it was very predictable, sharing a brain (or, more accurately, “instinctually communicating” as muscles do) with its host. The process of learning to simultaneously operate both a human body and a symbiotic body was not incredibly difficult, but sometimes could be disconcerting as host often forgot which “body” they were in.
After the N.E.W.MAN swept the World’s fair, it was fast tracked to the public market and quickly made the burgeoning company HANSCO the most profitable company in the world with the famous “N.E.W.Christmas” campaign a year later that saw Pulaski’s technology introduced into one-third of America’s homes. The first (and most popular) subsidiary, Tiny Lives, was run by Maragette Pulaski as a fashion-oriented miniature clothing and accessory retailer. Hundreds of non-affiliated retailers eventually followed due to the overwhelming popularity of the invention, with the Newman now commonly considered to be an indispensable milestone in popular culture. The N.E.W.MAN has been voted the “Most Important” invention in every magazine short list for the last two hundred years, still beating out its unlikely pre-destined companion, the G.M.T.P.A. Waffle Shoes are not typically considered for these lists.
...
So there you go, that's all I had written on the subject. Here are some ads I made advertising the Newmen (later symbiots) as they might have occured in the alternate reality. Thank you for reading.








A Brief History of Modern Space Travel, PART TWO

So, this is the continuation of a WAY TOO SERIOUS story I wrote concerning the made-up alternate timeline "history" of the magnonauts. I thought about lightening it up a bit for the blog, but decided to just let it go as a natural evolution of the creative process. Here is part two, which would have been the next several "chapters" of the pocket-size book I was developing at the time.

In this alternate reality, the magnonauts as they exist here would still be magnetic straw men that look like space explorers, but they would have been based on an actual invention called a N.E.W.MAN. Please enjoy now.

THE FACTIONS
....
There are three factions of modern symbiot. The first faction resembles mostly what the original exploration missions were: to observe and report things of scientific significance back to earth. This faction is comprised of people of significant intellectual distinction, and these hosts are allowed to exist dually (meaning that they are mentally capable of living simultaneously in space AND on earth without suspended stasis.)

The second faction is the colonists, comprised of a select group of people who maintain the livability on fourteen of the twenty seven planets. Their symbiots live the sort of life that host men and women would if they were capable of traveling to the planets so far discovered. These Hosts live in stasis on earth, that is to say, the host bodies are kept at a secret base in suspended animation while their brains live through the strange conditions of living on a foreign planet. To this faction, their space lives are their ONLY lives, the justification of which being that otherwise they would shrink from planet-conditional difficulties by simply disconnecting from the symbiot. This singular existence is a chosen one and the colonists are quite happy living their natural lives on these foreign planets, each having jobs, relationships, and local governments (as earth government allows.)

While the first two factions are host-bound, the third is a product of unforeseen circumstances that are yet to be fully explained. The second ever colonist transfer (the act of sending a group of symbiots through the G.M.T.P.A. while simultaneously placing host bodies into stasis) produced an unusual reaction: one of the symbiots operated without a host.

This incident was not discovered until a group of host bodies accidentally died on earth while in stasis due to a mechanical malfunction. Naturally, the adjacent symbiots died on their foreign planets without their host brain, with the exception of one, Mr. Robert Wein, an ore minor. It seems that the moment Mr. Wien’s symbiot passed through the G.M.T.P.A., the host body was disconnected. This was not immediately detected because the body was in stasis, the symbiot was obviously unaware that he was any different from the rest of the colonists, and existed among them as he would have, having the same mind and knowledge as his host. Mr. Wein worked as a colonist for ten years before the discovery was made and the world became aware of this occurrence due to the malfunction. The third faction has since separated itself from the other two factions, reporting to no one and considering themselves natives of their subsequent planets. As the colonists host bodies aged and died, more and more singularities were discovered as the symbiot continued to exist beyond. Since symbiots are biological, they can die as easily as a human can, however, the mechanical aspects of a symbiot allow it to have an unnatural long life beyond the host (something that was theorized but not proven until the Wein Incident).

Originally the “third kind” (as they are now known) remained unaware of their condition until the host body died (as in Mr. Wein’s case, when every passenger of his colony transfer unit simultaneously died and brought attention to his situation.) New colonist/explorer arrivals are now tested to confirm perfect synchronization with the host brain upon arrival. Even slight differences in brain pattern indicate a “third-ness” and the host body is brought out of stasis to live a normal life on earth while the symbiot is allowed to defect from the colony if he/she wishes.
Typically, a symbiot will attempt a normal existence in the colony, as all colonists are now aware of the possibility before recruitment, but some immediately defect (leading to the theory that some recruits enlist exactly for this possible eventuality.) Earth’s government has since deemed these peoples independent and not bound by Earth law with the proviso that they maintain the “great lie” for the sake of remaining host-bound symbiots. It is unknown whether a third kind can reproduce at this time.
...

THE GREAT MAGNATEMPORAL PORTAL APPARATUS

....
The G.M.T.P.A., as it is known, has become the hub of all extra-planetary travel for the planet earth, but its origins are less than unifying. When the theory that a black hole could not only be artificially created, but controlled with pinpoint accuracy, was introduced by the World Science League on international television in 2015, the original response wasn’t a gracious one.

The fears of the public were (debatably) unfounded, but the fact that the W.S.L. had private funding and the president’s favor were lubricant enough to push the project forward without much hesitation. In fact, most of the world wasn’t even aware that the W.S.L. had purchased the entire state of Utah and relocated its citizens to the Hawaiian island of Kahoolawe, as the residents were given a considerable sum to relocate without drawing media attention.

The colossal machine, which houses a electro-magnetic chamber the size of the Empire State Building, was constructed over four years, pushing the walls of the outer complex to the very borders of the state (and slightly over, according to Nevada officials.) When the machine was completed in 2019, a press conference was held to announce that the experiment had been a success, and the power to create and control an artificial black hole had indeed been achieved.

The world also learned that an early initial accident had informed that the ratio of black hole to planet mass had to be exact (roughly the size of a converse shoe box in diameter,) and once public media was allowed to visit the complex, it was discovered that the early incident had been an incorrect attempt at this ratio. Two of the four construction years had been spent reinforcing the enormous hole that the initial too-large black hole had dug (or more accurately, enveloped, reportedly in under ten minutes) beneath the patch of the earth that had once been Utah. The portion of earth that was usurped into space has since been discovered to be orbiting Calypso, one of Saturn’s smaller satellites.

It is estimated that the bottom of the hole (or Folly’s Canyon, as it is known) is a mere eight hundred miles above the planets core, and had Dr. Thomas Gross not attempted a hither-then untested maneuver to close the portal on October 4, 2017, the world may have been curious as to why every volcano on earth had suddenly started violently erupting, but it wouldn’t have had long to ponder even the basic human need to stockpile eggs and bread before the entire planet exploded seventeen seconds later.

So it was that the world followed the initial unveiling of the G.M.T.P.A. and the tragic maiden voyage of the astronaut mice Max and Ira in 2021, whose life-tether burned in two in front of billions on national television. This incident concluded two things: that the artificial black hole was a kinetic creation, meaning any matter not traveling at least 35 mph through its surface would super heat and melt, and that every town in America would have at least one street named “Max and Ira Drive.”

The World Science League DID succeed in gathering knowledge of far-off space by sending battery-powered robot cameras through the portal and “catching” the apparatus with well-placed “receiver holes,” but as far as the public was concerned, they had achieved not much more than a glorified Hubble telescope, and interest in the whole project was tepid and historically academic after the first year.

In 2030 Rosalyn Gross’s famous experiment with her own N.E.W.MAN made headlines.
Suddenly the possibilities for the G.M.T.P.A. were endless, and in 2035 the course of human history was changed forever with the launching of the “ZUES” Extra-planetary Analysis Vehicle. The first five people to visit the far reaches of the universe: Dr. Thomas Gross, Prof. Melvin Braindridge, Derek Banner, Madeleine Ho, and the controversial singer/songwriter Clarita Herrera (chosen for the project reportedly because of her extraordinary talent for metaphorically describing the beauty of nature in song, in addition to having a master’s degree in astrophysics,) became international personalities for their contributions to the advancement of the human race, and also enjoy near world-wide post-mortem street signage.
...
THE ZEUS PROJECT or, THE ART OF HITTING A BUMBLEBEE WITH A SNIPER RIFLE AT 500 YARDS
....
The ZEUS project was the first attempt at sending symbiots into space, and the early exploration and discoveries of the “ZEUS 5” planted the seeds for the 14 colonies now (symbiotically) inhabited by a sixteenth of earth’s population, but it was no mean feat to develop the science behind that first successful voyage, even with seemingly impossible leaps in technology like the N.E.W.MAN and the G.M.T.P.A. bracing the potential fall.

“Controlling where an artificial black hole will appear on the other side is like hitting a bumblebee with a sniper rifle at 500 yards,” said a noticeably perspiring (and excitedly manic) Dr. Thomas Gross to the camera during the first “televised walking tour” of the G.M.T.P.A. “Fortunately,” he winked as he prepared to demonstrate the delicate process to a handful of world leaders and media titans, “I have a steady hand.”

In 2030, the G.M.P.T.A. was no longer a scientific novelty with no clear path; it was the tool with which humanity was preparing to touch the farthest stars. The two most important people in that series of events where the doctors Thomas and Rosalyn Gross, then newlywed in 2029, and the foundation they laid with the Zeus program was indispensable. “We are working close with the architects of the original lunar space missions to create a miniature exploration vessel that will allow four or five symbiotic passengers to exist comfortably in outer space,” said Mrs. Gross of the ZUES development, “The craft must be able to maneuver in space as well as land and take off from a planet’s surface.

Theoretically, we could just open a portal directly on a planet’s surface, but without the electromagnetic chamber on the other side, the result would be similar to the Folly’s Canyon incident, and we’d be ripping holes in every planet we encountered.”

The final craft was simplistically designed to sustain the miniature lives of five miniature astronauts, most of the non-scientific equipment being collaboratively designed and donated by the Tiny Lives Corporation, the original textile subsidiary of HANSCO that specialized in miniature clothing/dietary supplements and accessories for the independent N.E.W.MAN enterprises.

Replicas of the original Zeus 5 jumpsuits (though not technically functional for space travel) have been a perennial gift for countless personal N.E.W.MAN wardrobes over the years, the most popular (predictably) being the Clarita Herrera edition “Tijuana Yellow” jumpsuit that made her symbiot the center of media attention in a Time magazine photo shoot three months before the first launch of the ZEUS. Not to be upstaged by her symbiot, Ms. Herrera demanded that she have a human-sized version of the suit made for her to wear on the day of launch, though she had it taken in considerably.

The launch took place at 12:45 AM on New Year’s Day, 2035. At one end of the 1,500 foot long electro-magnetic chamber was the tiny ship, armored with every precautionary measure that could be predicted on a trip into the unknown. The world watched as the ZEUS slowly started moving on its long single-rail track headed towards the artificial black hole in the center of the chamber. Upon impact, the vehicle had reached sixty eight miles an hour (predicted to be the safest speed at which to approach the portal at that time, versus the now standard seventy-two mph,) and exited the other side of the black hole in space one thousand miles above the surface of Jupiter.

The Earth-bound ZEUS 5 hosts reported their mission as their symbiots attempted a “fly-by” of Jupiter’s surface (upon the atmospheric entry of which miss Herrera’s host body and symbiot simultaneously became nauseous, leading to the more-popular “Space Vomit” limited edition of the yellow jumpsuit accessory.)

The initial trip lasted ten hours, and the crew of the Zeus returned safety in the return portal that could now be accurately triangulated due to the natural advantages of a symbiotic relationship. The modern space program was born.

As Mankind delved deeper and deeper into space, far beyond our galaxy and into amazing new territories, it was deemed not only feasible but prudent that colonization should begin on some of the habitable planets that had been discovered. The second faction of space explorers, the colonists, were carefully selected and transported over the next three years to the first habitable planet, Toles IV (the second transport trip resulting in the strange case of Mr. Robert Wein and the accidental creation of the third faction,) acting through their symbiots as they learned to live on a foreign planet while their bodies stayed in stasis on earth.

It has been discovered through extensive space travel that there is a round-about standard to proportions throughout the universe. Despite early pipe-dreams that man might discover a “tiny planet” for the symbiots to thrive on, Earth-like planets all seem to have Earth-like proportions, putting colonists at a natural disadvantage.

Newmen comfortably live on Earth in an artificial world constructed and protected by their hosts, however, outer space forcefully demands a new level of problem solving skills, most of which are directly related to the (hitherto unshaken) fact that nothing naturally proportionate to symbiots think as we do.

While the stature of the colonists is observationally advantageous, the flora/ fauna of the wildest depths of unknown space can be extremely dangerous for miniature people.

The technology initially developed for the earliest colonies was designed to protect against mid-size earth-standard beasts, as it seemed larger animals typically ignored a symbiot the way a average man might be unaffected by an field full of insects. Of course precautionary measures were always taken, but few significant incidents were ever reported until the discovery of the BAS HAREEM, or “lizard folk” in the desert region of Toles VII in 2049.

The Bas Hareem are typically the size of a Labrador by earth-standards, and are most commonly compared (culturally at least) to being the Aztec people of their planet. The parallels in these comparisons primarily reference the technological level of achievement and the unexpectedly warm reception received by the symbiots from the highly religious and superstitious lizard people (referring to the reverence that dwarf humans were lauded in the Aztec culture.)

Colonists on Toles VIII receive treatment most similar to the Newmen of Earth as curiosities to be enjoyed and not feared. The hierarchy of the Bas Hareem have allowed mankind to learn and be taught by their native people, and are considered important allies by the World Government.
It must be noted, however, that symbiots have never been allowed into the religious or political sanctuaries of the Bas Hareem, and some of the practices that produce certain “miraculous” demonstrations performed by the native peoples wont (or possibly cant, it has been theorized) be taught.

Regardless of complications that might arise should the Bas Hareem ever discover that their little friends are actually controlled by creatures they would consider giants, our beneficial relationship with the lizard folk expanded our collective interest and lessened the fear of alien culture exponentially until the next intelligent creature, the Rostmen, were discovered.

The Rostmen were not officially given the label of “intelligent being” until an incident concerning a meticulously planned ambush that cost the lives of three dozen colonists forced scientists to acknowledge their cunning and ability to organize. Information on the Rostmen has typically been classified as “need to know” by the World Government, and besides their savage tendencies and physical appearance, very little information has been made public.The Modern Space Program was adopted by the World Government shortly after the success of the Zeus 5 and has since become its primary benefactor. Working with the World Science League on all space-related endeavors, it follows that technical information and media coverage of any modern advancement has decreased dramatically as the G.M.T.P.A. and the three hundred and seventy five million colonist’s host bodies must be kept protected in stasis, a much more complicated and serious process which requires the secrecy and order that only the world government can efficiently manage.
...
End of Part Two, part three will include some fake ads I made as part of the alternate universe.

A Brief History of Modern Space Travel, PART ONE

So, this is a WAY TOO SERIOUS story I wrote concerning the made up alternate timeline "history" of the magnonauts. I thought about lightening it up a bit for the blog, but decided to just let it go as a natural evolution of the creative process. Here is part one, which would have been the first several "chapters" of the pocket-size book I was developing at the time.

In this alternate reality, the magnonauts as they exist here would still be magnetic straw men that look like space explorers, but they would have been based on an actual invention called a N.E.W.MAN. Please enjoy now.

2020

In the year Twenty twenty, mankind finally achieved its greatest triumph of science and technological achievement, INTERPLANETARY SPACE TRAVEL.

Unfortunately, no man would ever journey there, because the apparatus designed to create predictable portals in space, the colossal GREAT MAGNATEMPORAL PORTAL APARATUS that is roughly the size and shape of Utah, could only safely generate an artificial black hole the size of a shoe box.
In twenty twenty-four, an unrelated scientific breakthrough came in the form of the world’s first fully functional nuero-biological mech-organic being, designed and created by DR. HANS PULASKI for the 2024 World’s Fair. The real breakthrough was not that a brain-wave controlled live-tissue based android had been created, but that it was THREE INCHES TALL.
...
HANS PULASKI: THE MAN WHO FELL TO SPACE
....
The long defunct theories of tissue-cloning were re-evaluated when Dr. Pulaski claimed to have used basic micro organisms on earth as the pattern for “simplifying” the human form to its chemical origins, providing the basic motor skills in the form of a free-floating synthetic muscle and bone structure (famously referred to as “fuzzy bones” because of their resemblance to modern pipe cleaners.)

The oft-quoted Pulaski said cryptically of the process: “the key to replicating organic tissue is providing the proper conditions and allowing nature to ‘Do its thing,’” and he later hypothesized that his success came from the fact that instead of examining things on a larger scale to analyze the intricate mysteries inherent in every piece of living tissue, he allowed that there is always a “smaller small” and trying to replicate individual electrical compulsors in brain/matter was a fool’s errand.

Efforts to create a larger “man-sized” version of the original mechanism have continually failed. The creature Dr. Pulaski created was, in essence, an extra muscle in the shape of a man, controlled by brain waves as an extension of a human’s own nervous system. A man, with minimal training (the booklet was thirteen pages long,) could learn to control the mecha-organic symbiot (or multiple, for people with advanced mental prowess) as an extension of him or herself using the same parts of the brain that cause human beings to feel “out-of-body experiences” while dreaming or unconscious.
...
DAWN OF THE N.E.W.MAN
....
After extensive government testing, the N.E.W.MAN (neuro-electrowave man) technology was released to the public. By twenty twenty nine, every profession and industry had found a use for the N.E.W.MAN.

Doctors used them in complicated surgeries, and the ease in which a three-inch being could be introduced in the human body without serious damage allowed medical advancement that would have otherwise put life-threatening strain on certain areas of the body. Corporations funded national education reform and hosted free post-secondary schooling because it was proven that assembly line workers were more valuable if they were able to control two or three Newmen (as later the acronym was dropped and pluralized in favor of conversational ease) at a time.
...
ROSALYN GROSS PUTS A MAN IN A SHOEBOX
....
It wasn’t until ROSALYN GROSS, chief engineer of the Great Magnatemporal Portal Apparatus, received a “U2 special edition” Newman for the Christmas of 2030 that the full potential of the Newman was realized.

The idea of sending an advanced robot into space through the portal was not a new one, but power supplies and control problems due to the fact that it is impossible to remotely control a robot from light years away had thwarted any advancement beyond a few new pictures of the universe and two very unfortunate astronaut mice.

On September 14th 2031, the first Newman was sent through the G.M.T.P.A., and despite theories that the bio-machine would simply “detach” itself from the “home brain” when separated by distances of light years, Rosalyn Gross reported real-time connection with the Newman when the being imploded as it exited the other side of the portal on the far side of Jupiter.
Despite the severe nausea (and reported psychiatric counseling with occasional feelings of weightlessness) that occurs to the host when any Newman is destroyed, no long-term side-effects were reported and the experiment was deemed successful.
...
THE ZUES 5 AND THE FUTURE OF MANKIND
....
With minor modifications to the structural and physical integrity of the Newman design, the tiny astronauts were redubbed simply “Symbiots” with their earth-bound counterparts being called “Hosts.” A team of highly trained scientists and theoretical survivalists were set to travel in a tiny space craft christened the “ZEUS” (in keeping with the Greek God naming-scheme of the early 20th century space craft, and referencing the God-like feeling of living through miniature creatures from astronomical distances) on new year’s day 2035.

Fourteen years later, humanity’s knowledge of space science had immeasurably increased. To date, 27 planets with life-sustaining conditions have been discovered, four of which have native life forms, of which two are intelligent beings with whom we now frequently communicate/observe.

In 2049, when the first intelligent race (colloquially known as “lizard folk”) were discovered, it was deemed prudent by the World Congress to not allow any beings encountered in the course of observational travels to discover the true origins of the symbiots they considered simply “visitors.” That is to say, any new life forms found would be unaware that humans controlled these bio-mechanical men, or from where.

This highly controversial “Great Lie”, as it was dubbed, was proven to be an appropriate measure for earth safety when the original Zeus 5 crew were all subsequently killed by the second intelligent beings ever discovered, the hellish ape-like ROSTMEN.

The tragedy of discovering the Rostmen in 2051 was that the deaths of the original Zeus 5 lead to the ultimate deaths of all five hosts on earth. Due to the neurological nature of torture inflicted by the beast-like Rostmen, the deaths of the Zeus crew also inflicted incurable insanity in the hosts of earth with which they lived symbiotically. As such, the Rostmen are considered extremely dangerous by any standards.

In 2054, Dr. Pulaski was allowed to visit the Up and Out Science Colony of Toles IV in a historical media celebration, and was subsequently driven homicidally insane when a caged Rostman broke free and plunged its “head tooth” into the doctor’s symbiot. Dr. Pulaski killed three people in the G.M.T.P.A. Complex before he was restrained and incarcerated in the San Francisco Mental Institution for the Insane.The Zeus Program now has colonies on thirteen planets. The symbiots live as humans do, needing food, water and a habitable environment to survive and are considered by some of their hosts to be the most important extension of themselves, since all hosts feel, think and generally exist vicariously through their tiny counter parts.
...
....So, That's the end of part one (of which I believe there will be three.) Stay tuned

Monday, March 29, 2010

HEY-O: Two project links are now LIVE

The illustrated instructions for both the Tricloptopus and the P.L.O.D.E. are now live and available for free by clicking the respective project links (to the right.) As I add video and pictures, each link will be automatically updated. You can, of course, just scroll down the blog here, but once they become buried in previous-posts-land, it will become advantageous to use the project links.
Huzzah.

The Insufferable Tricloptopus



(Click on any of the images above to open full resoultion pages which you can then save or print.)

Excerpt from The Extra Terra/Fauna Field Guide Vol. 7:
There are few creatures that define the gap between human and alien paths of sentient development more than the Tricloptopus. Despite their towering stature, the Tricloptopi are more of a nuisance than a threat, and, fortunately, their seemingly advanced weaponry has little to no effect on Magnonauts no matter how often the Tricloptopi open fire on them (which, reportedly, is quite often when they are encountered in the wild, the sensation typically being compared to an itch deep inside one’s ear that can’t be easily reached with a q-tip.)
It is believed now that some aspect of the natural body odor of a Magnonaut must offend or disrupt the Tricloptic brain pattern, which is why no serious attempts have ever been made to learn or study the aliens beyond brief observational study.
Transversely, the Tricloptopi are described as possessing a “rubbery smell” that, while not terribly unpleasant, gives the easily offended Magnonaut a solid basis for shallow retorts whilst being pummeled with harmless “’pus rays.”

NOW ENTERING REAL WORLD
These dudes came about with my re-discovery of the existence of animal balloons (Thanks mostly to my children and the tendency of grocery stores to dangle little toys on strip clips right beside all the boring life-sustaining food). I have struggled to make poseable tentacles and tails (the bread and butter of sci-fi) ever since I started this endeavor a couple years ago. The technique has gone from simply wrapping tape around wire to threading beads on wire and wrapping that in tape (although I do have a great project on standby using that basic premise,) but nothing touches the simplicity of putting a pipe cleaner in a un-inflated animal balloon, and that’s the premise on which these villains are conceived.

TOOLS
X-acto Knife, Scissors, Hot Glue/Gun.

SUPPLIES
1” (smaller, ring size) Prize Bubble (http://www.candymachines.com/Empty-Vending-Capsules-C99.aspx), 3 Beads (1/4”,) 3 Animal Balloons (the long balloons that clowns twist into giraffes,) 2 Cable Ties (These things,) a piece of Extra Thick Foamie, 4 Pipe Cleaners, Electrical Tape, Magnet

!!!
NOTE: THIS IS THE PRELIMINARY VERSION OF THIS POST. Eventually I will add video and pictures of the construction for this and most of the projects, which you can check for by clicking the TRICLOPTOPUS icon to the right of this screen (it will link directly to this post, so it doesn't matter if it gets buried.)

The Curious P.L.O.D.E.



(Click on any of the images above to open full resoultion pages which you can then save or print.)
Excerpt from The Extra Terra/Fauna Field Guide Vol. 7:

Upon being discovered dormant in a desert field some fifteen years ago, four hundred and twenty P.L.O.D.E. were originally dismissed by the Magnonauts as a grouping of ancient abandoned machinery. It was not until an accident involving the involuntary pulling of the “plode string” (it got wrapped around a dune buggy tire) that the beings were discovered to be not only intelligent, but intentionally designed by creators unknown to achieve a singular goal: to dig a hole just big enough to bury themselves in. After their baffling task was completed the P.L.O.D.E were found to be unresponsive and apparently became what they were originally misunderstood as having been.

The acronym P.L.O.D.E. is the unfortunate concoction of the first Magnonaut to discover the beings proper (the guy with the dune buggy, exercising the then popular custom of allowing the finder of new organisms to name said discovery, despite that name often not making any good sense.) It was insisted that P.L.O.D.E. was the official name and that it was an acronym, though no explanation for the letters was given, and the whole thing was ultimately turned over to a committee for review.

After several years of deliberation as to what P.L.O.D.E. might stand for, it was decided that the long form was to be interpreted as “PERSISTENT LACK OF DISCERNIBLE ECPHASIS,” which reflects the committee’s inability to make an explicit declaration or interpretation despite multiple efforts to use five words that they wouldn’t have to explain to the public. The affair has since become a metaphor throughout the galaxy for the futility of committee politics.

NOW ENTERING REAL WORLD
This project was spawned from attempting to justify purchasing mass quantities of empty prize bubbles. I was convinced that they would make something awesome in the Magnonaut world, and after playing around with the few I had acquired from local quarter machines (why do Chinese buffets always have the best little toys?,) the P.L.O.D.E. arose.
I wanted to do a “Brain Beast,” that is to say, a creature with its brains exposed under a clear dome. After a couple failed attempts, including wadded-up balloons and chewed bubble gum, I thought of the tiny curly streamers that are in party poppers (more abstract, less potential for saliva-borne diseases.) Bonus score because the plastic casing they came in was proportionately relevant to the thing, and when I got my hands on some (see link below in “Supplies”) I realized I could literally EXPLODE THE BRAINS INTO THE DOME. What?! That’s right.

TOOLS
X-acto Knife, Scissors, a Nickel, a Sharpie, Hot Glue/Gun, 1/8” Hole Punch.

SUPPLIES
You will need a few not terribly common but still inexpensive things to complete this project. First, a 2” (Standard) Prize Bubble (For some reason blogger doesn't like this HTML I'm trying to link, so here's the web address for the bubbles I found http://www.candymachines.com/Empty-Vending-Capsules-C99.aspx) and a Party Popper (Here) Next, you will need four little Cable Ties (These) and a transparent Mini Slinky (Here.) I added some sticker gems for eyes, but that is obviously optional. Lastly, two drywall mounts and a strong magnet.

!!!
NOTE: THIS IS THE PRELIMINARY VERSION OF THIS POST. Eventually I will add video and pictures of the construction for this and most of the projects, which you can check for by clicking the P.L.O.D.E. icon to the right of this screen (it will link directly to this post, so it doesn't matter if it gets buried.)